Son Of A Biscuit Eater!

Parents say the darndest things

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Before we became parents, we couldn't fathom the things that would come flying out of our mouths. Who yells out, "Good night moon!" when they step on a Lego? Parents, that's who. And it turns out there are distinct categories of almost-cussing.

Funny Parent Euphemisms

No parent wants to be the one to teach their children curse words. In an (often hilarious) attempt to spare those precious little ears, parents have to think quickly after stubbing their toe on the ottoman, again! Nobody's perfect, and sometimes Mom and Dad struggle to keep from using harsh language. Parenting is, after all, a very taxing undertaking. To have a preschooler is to know exactly how much patience you have — and what happens when you run out. Often parents switch gears in mid-curse, which leaves them speaking in strange tongues. We asked some parents for some G-rated expletives they've heard themselves blurt out. It turns out there are a few different categories of almost-cuss-words. Enjoy:

The Mash-Up

Some parents showcase their creativity by combining two well-known phrases to create one innocuous euphemism. The Mashup may combine two aggressive phrases, or may include one angry phrase, one benign. For example, when you've just cleaned the carpets and your toddler flings mashed carrots across the room, you may find yourself looking to the sky and exclaiming, "For crying out Pete!"

Or when your newborn yanks out a fistful of your arm hair, it would be totally justifiable to hiss, "God bless America!" through clenched teeth.

The Classic

And then there are the vintage-style parents who are all about nostalgia when it comes to word choice. When their kid suddenly tumbles from the arm of the couch, a "dadgummit!" might slip from their lips. Or, "fiddlesticks!" while picking gum out of tangled hair again.

The Close Call

Some folks just live on the edge. They enjoy the thrill of pushing the envelope, and when they spill the bottle of milk, they might be tempted to let out a, "shiitake mushrooms!" or a, "fudge buckets!" Or, if the situation is dire, "mother flower!" These brave souls are no more than a syllable away from crossing the line... their confidence is to be applauded.

The Rebel

Some of these just defy explanation, but trend-setting parents are unfazed. If you hear someone yell, "flippity-flop!" don't be alarmed. It's probably just some trendy parent who dropped a binky. Others admitted to exclaiming such things as, "monkeys!" "bug soup!" and even, "wordy derds!" when under duress.

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Sarah Kovac
Sarah Kovac travels the country as an inspirational speaker and is author of the book, In Capable Arms: Living a Life Embraced by Grace. She gladly shares her experiences as a mother with a disability on her website at and loves seeing others encouraged. Sarah and her family live just outside of Kansas City, MO.

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